Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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