And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
