I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
