cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
