Me. At least after what I've been through.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
