I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
i believe in u and ur pee
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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