NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
