herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm at about main and main street
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
