Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
