Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
