can we get nightvision for the apartment?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
