Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
