seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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