i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
