somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
someone get that fucking seahorse.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
