Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
