The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
