Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
