you traded sex for a burrito?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
