did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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