We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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