there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
