There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
