did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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