Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
