tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
