Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Randomize
