If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
