Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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