Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
