I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
