yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
