i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
