I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
