this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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