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• (630): View more from Illinois

  $3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.

  (630): View more from Illinois

  does taste better than andre tho

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.

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• (954): View more from Florida

  If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.

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• (406): View more from Montana

  I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.

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• (917): View more from New York City

  I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.

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• (760): View more from California

  Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?

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• (904): View more from Florida

  That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo

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• (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo

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• (727): View more from Florida

  She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me

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• (208): View more from Idaho

  One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.

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• (904): View more from Florida

  Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine

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• (802): View more from Vermont

  Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...

  (480): View more from Arizona

  When is the party?

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• (812): View more from Indiana

  UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING

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