Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
