My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Say something about gay babies.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
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