I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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