Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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