3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
