just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
