Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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