I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
