Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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