Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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