She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
