you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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