Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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