you're like a bully in the Christmas story
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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