trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
