found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
