I just threw up on my dentist
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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