Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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