he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
